Sunday, July 13, 2003 song: vanessa carlton - thousand miles
guess it's been a while. i just wanted to start this again because i cant stand not....i dont know...expressing more. oh well, im back here, so that sort of tells you something...maybe not.
first off, i just feel so restricted lately. i get a hunch it's because i haven't had the time to just sit down and express them. i thought i was so expressive in my pieces (i.e. subprofile/profile/journal) last year. well, i had a subprofile that i didnt update for a while. when i look back, it didnt look as if i expressed a lot of things too. so i was basically the same in a sense. only i had much more time to sit down and say the things i wanted to say.
right now i feel sort of tired out from that long walk i took. i felt really disinterested in the stuff i saw although i had the money to spend, i just didnt feel like buying.
this year's summer is better. i like the time i get to myself. and i dont mind that people disregard me now. it's like i've accepted that i'll always be the misfit no matter how hard i'll try to fit in. in a way, im lucky to have figured this out and gone through all that pain last summer, because i came out with more understanding to people.
to ellen: i've read ur journal online and yah ur gonna get through this and at the end, u'll have a better understanding. the understanding is worth the pain. be strong and carry on and you'll see people in a different light in the end. i know, it's painful as hell, but that's how it goes: with pain comes compassion and understanding. be strong and carry on, and do NOT let comparisons ruin your ambitions. i know you'll get through this.
posted by post_it
